I loved summer growing up! It was a break from the typical day to day structure of school—full of new adventures and opportunities that there wasn't time for during the school year. Sure, it wasn't all perfect, but overall, I loved the possibility that each summer brought. There were so many things to look forward to. This year, our summer has started early, and it's not feeling quite the same—for me or for our kids. Summer has started, well, with stress. It's started with a lack of stability and security as we look towards the unknown. For our kiddos who have experienced trauma, summer, and particularly, this summer brings fear. My friend, Kristin Berry, and I talk through what this season is like for our children who have experienced great loss in their lives. We can have a great summer; it might take a little more planning and a whole lot of grace.
Today's conversation with my guest, Monica Hunter, was a gift. We talked about hair and skincare, and in that, we explored how to help our children feel valued and loved. There is beauty in coming together to care for one another. As a foster and adoptive mom of a multi-racial family, I've had to ask so many questions, and I'm thankful for people like Monica who are willing to jump in and share their knowledge. We need spaces where we don't have to fear making a mistake but can simply learn with others together. I want my children to know I care about them, and part of that is showing them that I care about the hair and skin that God uniquely gave each of us.
I met Helen at Replanted Conference, and as I talked to her, I knew I wanted you all to hear her story too. To hear from those who have walked through foster care is a gift to us all; we need the perspective of those who have lived it. Helen's life had a tragic start when her father passed away at the age of three. With her mother unable to care for her, she entered foster care and was placed with a relative. Tragically, her mother died when Helen was just six years old. Right from the get-go of our conversation, my heart hurt for her childhood—the snapshot of memories painful to bear. Bounced from relative to relative and again several times more, Helen shares the journey she's lived, and I'm so encouraged by where she has landed today. I can't wait for you to hear how she's continuing to find hope and healing now as an adult.
It's time to celebrate! The Lord has graciously allowed TFI to be part of supporting the foster care community for 9 years! It's been a joy to walk with people who are passionate about Jesus and the foster care community as they launch and lead TFI Advocate Ministries all across the United States. Seriously, our Advocates are some of the best; they see and show up for agency workers, foster parents, vulnerable adults, and children involved with foster care, and not only personally do they do that, but they mobilize the church to do that too! The movement is multiplying, and I could not be more honored to be on this journey with so many great leaders. Because I love you and our Advocates so much, I want to share an inside look at the types of conversations our team gets to have each day. Listen in as Advocate Support Director, Jillian, chats with Kara, our Advocate in Northwest Oklahoma, about ministry and lessons she's learned throughout her 6 years as an Advocate.
This conversation was special—Clint has been by my side since the beginning of this foster care journey. He's been my cheerleader. He's believed in me. He's given me the freedom and push to stretch in ways maybe I wouldn't have otherwise. He lifts me up when I need it and brings me back down when I need that too. Together, we've grown as we caught the vision of how our family could serve in this foster care space, how our church could walk alongside this community, and even bigger, how we could encourage others across the US who wanted to do this work too. Man, it's been a lot of fun! And it's been hard. But, as we recount it all, we see the blessings. When we look back at the last ten years, it's clear the Lord has been working in us. I'm so excited for you to hear more about how faithful God has been through this unexpected road of foster care.
This was my first time meeting and getting the opportunity to talk with Cameron Lee Small, and it did not disappoint. Cam gets adoption. As a Korean adoptee who grew up in Wisconsin, Cam now uses his experience to walk with adoptive families as a clinical counselor. As we talked, I kept nodding my head in agreement. Cam wants to help people understand they are seen, heard, and to know that they matter—that they are not in this alone. It’s the same message I believe in for TFI and for my own family. Through our conversation, Cam helps identify fears when foster care moves to adoption. In naming both the good and hard emotions our children feel, we can begin to help them heal. That’s the goal in all of this today—to learn to walk with our children so that their story can move them to a place where healing can begin.
What a conversation! Tricia was once a teen mom, and now supports teen moms through Teen MOPS. Tricia understands what it’s like to walk through the teenage years while also trying to care for a new little one. Guilt and shame can feel like an everyday companion. For many youth aging out of foster care, pregnancy as a teen is a reality. In our conversation, Tricia offers compassionate wisdom to help us support both teen moms and teens in foster care. Whether you are a teen mom, walking alongside a teen mom, or raising teens, this episode will leave you encouraged to press on. Tricia has been where you are.
As I walk this parenting journey, I grow more and more thankful for teachers who lean into my kids. The student-teacher relationship can be a sweet one. For some students, teachers may be their only trusted adult. Needless to say, the impact of a caring teacher has the potential to be huge. My guest, Amanda Van Allen, is one of those teachers that loves her students in big ways. So, when she saw not only one student’s educational needs, but a greater need as it related to family, she knew her own family could do more to care for this student. Today, we’re talking about jumping into the role of fictive kin—taking on the characteristics of a family relationship for a child in the foster care system. It’s a role that more teachers are being asked to consider, and Amanda had some incredible insights about what she learned from going from teacher to parent in a matter of days.
Sitting down to talk with Sandra Stanley this week was a privilege!
She and Andy have journeyed down this road of foster care for the past ten years and have so much wisdom to share because of it. Much like my own story, they became aware of the need to care for children in their own backyard, and this awareness led them to action. We see this all the time at TFI—awareness leads to action. Sandra shares that the road has been bumpy, filled with moments that have left their hearts both broken and encouraged. As foster parents, we come to this journey so hopeful, so ready to help and love, and yet when there is no margin— when the uncertainty overtakes you—it is easy to feel hopeless. Sandra offers hope in our conversation. We can create space in our lives so that we are not overtaken by this hopelessness. We can live and serve with joy.
In terms of foster care, Tori has experienced it all. Entering the system at age four; reuniting with her mom; seeing the effects of mental illness; entering the system again; moving to twelve placements; living in a group home; and finally making the decision to emancipate, Tori’s life is one of ups and downs. At moments, she wanted to be out of foster care, and at moments, it was the best option she had. Tori is real and raw and helps us learn what life in foster care is really like. We have much to learn.
Foster care begins with loss—a family broken, unable to be together. This reality weighs on biological parents who long to be reunited whether that’s a possibility or not, children who are trying to make sense of all that is happening, caseworkers who care deeply for both the biological and foster families on their caseloads, and foster families who struggle to know how to help the kiddos in their homes navigate this hard journey while also managing their own emotions. Loss feels anything but good. And yet, our guest, Trisha, an adoptee and adoptive mom, brings a message of hope to us. Rooted in the promises of God, we can mourn loss and see our grief as a gift.
Emily Schmidt opened the coffee shop of her dreams, a shop she called The Cracked Pot. People came to get quality coffee; they lingered; they built community. As a Christ-follower, though, she saw the potential for her shop to be used for something more. She learned about youth aging out of foster care and realized she could be part of their story. She could use her coffee shop for kingdom purposes. Emily’s story is an encouragement to reflect on what God has given each of us and a challenge to consider how we can use our time and resources for others.
A story of tragedy and hope, Mandy’s voice as a child who grew up in foster care is one we need to hear. Her earliest years were wrought with pain and fear, as she experienced loss in the hardest of circumstances. When she entered foster care, for the first time, she was given consistent access to a safe environment, and yet, the impact of her trauma lasted long after she arrived. Mandy shares the heartache of her beginning but also the healing that she experienced as she slowly began to trust the adults around her—adults who saw beyond her behaviors and loved her with fierce commitment.
Our guest, Tony Whitley, is no stranger to foster care. Once a child in foster care, now a foster parent and TFI Advocate, he’s seen the court process from many sides, and he’s not running from it. Tony helps shed new light on court and the players involved in the system. Today’s conversation will help you walk into court informed, knowing the purpose of the hearing you’re attending, and what your role is in the process. Use this as your launchpad as you navigate your way through the court system.
Puberty. It’s a time you may be dreading as a parent or caregiver, or maybe you’re currently walking this road with your pre-teen or teenager, and you need help! It doesn’t have to be scary. Our guest, Dr. Melody Aguayo, offers a wealth of knowledge that will help you navigate this stage of life. The changes that accompany this stage of life for our children with trauma histories can bring more challenges than other children face. There are significant differences that we, as parents, need to understand so we can support and educate our children well. Awareness is the first step, so let’s dive in!
If you’re thinking about jumping into foster parenting and are single, this episode is for you! You can do this. Our guest, Hallie Graves, shares practical insights to help you make that decision. If you’re not a single foster parent but know someone who is, you’ll learn how to come alongside your friend in a way that’s truly impactful. We need each other!
If you’re overwhelmed and feel like you can’t slow down, you need this episode. Denise Kendrick is a full–time working mom of nine kids, and she’s learned how to breathe in the middle of day to day life. It hasn’t been without trial and error, but she brings her lessons learned to encourage us. She’s developed systems that work for her and offers principles to help guide your thinking so you can set your own boundaries as well. Listen in if you want help from one mom who has been where you are.
Whether you’re just thinking about foster care or adoption and want to know what it’s really like or you’re in it and you need support, today’s guest, Mike Berry, offers a picture of the good, bad, and ugly. He’s passionate about sharing a realistic view of adoption and foster care, and he wants to answer your questions honestly. Listen in as we tackle a few of them, but then check out his new book, "Honestly Adoption," for answers to even more. Friends, we are in this together!
When Josh and Liz saw a need within their foster care community, they knew they had to do something about it. Instead of launching and fundraising for a new nonprofit, they joined up with The Forgotten Initiative (TFI), where they were equipped with all types of resources including a graphic designer, strategic planning sessions, and video calls with Advocates around the country, so they didn’t have to reinvent any wheels.
In this episode, Josh and Liz share more about the practical help TFI provides, but also what it’s like to be part of the TFI Family where Advocates are rooting for one another, willing to sit with one another in the hard, and always pointing one another towards loving God.
Opening your home to teenagers in foster care can feel scary. Not knowing what they’ve been through or how they will impact your family can stop you from stepping forward. Today’s guest, Colleen Smith, shares her passion for teens and helps us think practically about how to show them they are loved. If you have a teenager in your life or are considering welcoming one in, this is a must-listen episode!
When Kristy Sutton and her husband, Zach, became foster parents, they realized that life would never be the same. After finishing foster care training classes, they felt ready to enter this new role, but they quickly learned how unprepared they were…for almost everything! In today’s episode, you will gain insight into what the fostering journey looks like—the good, the bad, and the ugly—and glean wisdom from one who has walked this road before you. You are not in this alone!
As foster or adoptive parents, we often feel at a loss of how to help our kids process the complexity of emotions surrounding their birthparents. In today’s special edition episode, you will hear a message that our host, Jami Kaeb, gave to a group of foster and adoptive parents this past Spring at CAFO 2019 Summit. Listen in as Jami focuses on 3 areas: helping your child process their feelings about their birth parents, caring for and pursuing a relationship with your child’s birth parent, and creating and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Understanding how to best love, teach, and correct our children is something we are continually learning. Add to that, learning to parent kids who have experienced trauma, and things that may have worked for our biological children now seem to have the opposite effect on our kids. In today’s episode, Kristin Berry brings us practical insight and encouragement to help us parent our kids in a way that keep us connected.
The one certainty of foster care is there is no certainty. When plans change quickly, people get hurt, or you feel your heart breaking, it is easy and natural to fear. In today’s episode, Singer, Songwriter, Ellie Holcomb encourages us through words (and song too!) to hold on to Hope.